My second home, Solitude.

So hello everyone, its been what? 3 years since i've blogged. Many many things have changed and well the reason why im starting a blog is cause Maegan reminded me i had one. (Not very nice Maegan) I don't know what to really post right now so I'll just talk about how I've been feeling. Today, something happened. I know its not really much but it is kinda a big deal to me. Somehow I'm not sure how I can face this person anymore. I wonder what goes on in my head when I do the things I do. I'm definitely sure it isnt, "Hey this isnt right, dont do it." Its probably, "Hey this isnt right but whatever right?" Yeah that is definitely me. 

From my past I realized how much i've really come to grown over the years, however i doubt its enough. I still have a lot more growing up to do. To be honest, I thought my life was going great, I had lots of fun, really nice friends and really little problems. But then again i still find myself missing something. I realized its happiness i guess. No matter how much alcohol i drink or how high i get or how much fun i have in a night or even a week, at the very end, I wake up asking myself why do i still find no purpose or meaning in my life. Usually I would just push these feelings aside but lately its becoming worst. Throwing myself into solitude, pushing everyone away, thinking about doing things i know i shouldn't be doing and just wanting to end it all. 

I have no idea how to carry on. I don't see a future me smiling. I wish one day i can wake up with a smile on my face. Knowing my purpose in this world. Shall end it off here. Its 5:02am, I better head to bed. Goodnight.