Hey there, things have been a little better from the talks i had from a really good friend and i guess i'm not feeling so bad about myself right now but hey, never speak too soon right? I really wonder what i've been doing with my life. Sitting at home all day using the computer, going out clubbing and partying. All these cheap thrills seem so fun at the start but right now i don't see any meaning in it anymore. I don't even know who i am now. What am i going to do with myself..
Hah okay enough about that, i guess i'll talk about someone I've kinda had mixed feelings for since last year? Its been so long since i've ever thought of having feelings about someone, but when it comes to you i have no idea how i feel. I don't know whether i'm in love with you or its just some long ass infatuation. All my thoughts about happy endings, somehow it always comes back to you. I finally understand why you've never wanted to put a status on our relationship, neither friend nor bestfriend. You're always someone that has been on my mind. Maybe not during the day but definitely before i go to bed. I don't know whether feelings are mutual but right now i really wish you were here. You're right, maybe if you were the one being with me the whole time i wouldn't have gotten hurt and go back into depression. What a terrible feeling, i know. I just want you to know that somehow you've got my heart and i don't know if i should carry on feeling this way. Okay not should, more like if i can. Nothing is ever gonna happen and i doubt anything will. Maybe i should forget it all right? Sigh oh well, I miss you and i wanna see you soon before you leave again.
Okay so time to talk about things going on in my life, my school is starting soon and i'm not sure if i'll be able to cope with the new modules and if i can get myself to study hard. So many distractions sigh. But I'll definitely try my best. On the bright side of things, I'm finally going to the gym again tomorrow. Been feeling shitty bout myself being so skinny, I actually love to exercise just that i'm a lazy ass. Oh right, i gotta be up at 1pm so i better head to bed right now. Time to get fit and turn over a new leaf. No more nonsense. A new guy i will be from now on.
Goodnight.
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