Surrounded by amazing people but yet somehow i can not help but feel alone

How strong can someone pretend to be? I've been pretending for way too long, I always try to be the strongest for everyone. Trying to be there for everyone, thinking that if the people around me are happy i would be too but oh how wrong was i. I trapped in this painful solitude. I swear I've tried my hardest to get out. 

 Its like i see can see the light at the end of this tunnel but i'm just too afraid to go into it. I don't know whats awaiting me there. I cant find the courage anymore. I used to be able to do it but right now its worst than ever. I can literally feel someone tearing heart out of my chest. 

I say it doesn't hurt anymore. But when reality hit me, it just hurt so much more. I cant continue going on like this. I feel myself going back to that state. Those memories used to help but not anymore. Nothing last forever right? 

You know what sucks the most? You looked me in the eyes like nothing ever happened. But you broke me and you will never know how much it actually affected me.